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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Thirteen Things An Aging Rock Musician Should Never Do... Again!

B. Thomas Cooper - Editor

Greetings, 'rock' fans. Halloween is nearly upon us, so let's see if we can't get this party started. I have compiled a list of thirteen (newish like) things an aging rock musician should never, never, ever do again... at least not with the door unlocked.


1. NEVER grow your hair back down to your shoulders, (unless you happen to be Britney Spears, who has a damn good excuse, or Jon Duff, who doesn't, but looks cool anyway). Save yourself the embarrassment... leave it short, like a book report.

Old Brad 01

2. NEVER get a second job moonlighting at Sam Goody’s. You are not hip, in spite of your recent hip surgery. Leave that line of work for the experts… teenagers. Here's a word of advice... a 'flat screen', and a 'flat-line' are not the same thing.

3. NEVER sing about getting drunk and chasing groupies around at the Implodium. That whole shtick is now the domain of modern country radio.

4. NEVER wear a one piece jump suit to the Van Halen re-union concert at the Implodium. Face it, little dreamer, uni-tards are not retro cool, old school, or not.

5. NEVER play air-guitar every time 'Panama' comes on the radio, even when driving seventy on the toll-way, (like say, en rout to the VH re-union at the Implodium).

6. NEVER hold a lit cigarette lighter aloft whenever 'Enter Sandman comes on the radio.

Old Brad 02

7. NEVER brag about jamming backstage with former members of Trixter.

8. NEVER drag all of your old backstage passes, (not even Trixter) along with you to Parent Teacher conferences.

9. NEVER brag about hanging out backstage with Anson Williams and Donny Most at the 'Happy Days' re-union.

10. NEVER encourage your audience to hold lit cigarette lighters aloft when your band breaks into the opening riff of 'Ain't Talkin' 'bout Love', (This is especially important in small clubs with low ceilings).

11. NEVER brag about all the drugs you partied away back in the eighties.

12. NEVER brag about all the parties you drugged away back in the eighties.

13. NEVER pine for the days when Sammy Hagar still sang with Van Halen.

Happy Halloween!


B. Thomas Cooper - Editor

Sound and Recording - Sound Foundation - National Newswire - The Infinite Echo - Impeachment Now! - Skate the Razor -
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